I am so grateful to experience what I feel in my body, at this moment; pure bliss, joy, peace, gratitude and unconditional love.
Reflection on the last 5 years
I just returned home from ecstatic dance, where I was reflecting on the past 5 years of my life. Ecstatic dance is a free form movement journey. It is a safe container to express yourself through dance. It is a sober event where like minded people come together and dance like nobody's watching! It has been a huge part of my transformation. Ecstatic dance is the way I can dance my prayers into reality and go deep within myself. The peace I feel in my body after dance is so different from the way I have felt most of my life.
The music played at ecstatic dance is designed to take you on a journey. So many emotions arise for me in the dances. Today peace, pride, self love and complete gratitude were the major players. There were a few moments of self doubt and self consciousness. That is very normal. They came and I released them as I know they are not my truth.
As I swirled around the beautiful, repurposed church where we dance, I was reflecting on my first ecstatic dance in March of 2017. I had been diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic breast cancer just 10 months prior. I was just at the beginning of my journey to healing my physical and emotional body. I needed a full overhaul.
When I walked in I instantly knew I was “home”. I could feel it. This was my tribe. The childlike energy was potent. Adults playing, leaping, twirling, as if they were 5 years old on a playground. Emotions were also visible; tears, belly laughs, anger, long hugs, you see and feel it all. People wear their emotions on their sleeve. I had been craving this level of emotional intimacy my whole life. Playing was not something I did as a child. I needed it all so desperately.
After that first dance we were invited to sit in a big circle to share our experiences from the dance. It was in that circle I called in healing that would literally change my life. I vulnerably raised my hand and shared that I was healing stage 4 cancer and how I finally felt home. This was what I had been looking for my whole life. I was engulfed in one of the most beautiful embraces, by more people than I can count. They held me in so much love and positivity. Intuitively I knew this was a place that would be instrumental in my healing. I was so right on the mark.
Through this very special dance community I have found so many tools to heal. There are an unprecedented number of healers in the dance community. I connected with energy healers of all backgrounds, massage therapists, sound healers, voice activation teachers, breathwork facilitators, embodied movement therapists, communication experts and the list goes on.
I enthusiastically dove into every single thing that came my way. At the end of the dance each week people shared community offerings. It seemed like every week there was an offering (most of them free or very low cost) that was exactly what I needed.
I dove into spirituality, the conscious community and nature. I went to every conscious retreat, workshop and festival I could. Each one healing another layer of my sweet soul. I started really becoming the woman I was meant to be. I had gotten so far off track, I didn't know who I was. I was starting to remember her.
Today as I danced in the church, with it’s incredibly high ceilings and beautiful stained glass, I danced in my own energy, knowing exactly who I am. Then I looked around at my community. Most faces I did not recognize today, as it’s summer and so many of my friends are traveling, and yet they are all “family”. I felt a deep connection to myself and my tribe. I felt tears well up as I remembered that first ecstatic dance, and how this community held me in their arms and believed in my healing.
Welcoming in Willow Star
The transformation I have gone through over the past 5 years feels nothing short of a miracle. I have released Keri Vaca